Being that I haven’t posted in…forever I decided to do a rather extended one so here it goes, best drunken rants I’ve ever heard me or my friends say:

10. The ‘Is That a Squirrel’

Ok so this one’s mine. This night I was drunk out of my mind and my sister had to come to my rescue, however while in the cab I swear I saw something that looked like a squirrel, this led me to begin ranting. The rant was mainly about how in the deepest part of our souls we’re all squirrels, however the funnier bit came when, out of the blue, I decided to ask the cab driver…which resulted in him replying “that’s how you call gay people now?”.

9. The ‘It Says Paaaaarrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa’ (traducido del español)

So we were in our senior year and what ussually happens in my school is they send us all, accompanied by a couple teachers, to an open bar resort somewhere along the caribean. This led us to a kick ass week at the dominican in which a lot of funny shit happened, some of which you’ll find on this list. So for this one the main character is my chemestry teacher and it was pretty short so i think i can describe this one to perfection, although I should note, he was as drunk as a man can be without dying. So we were in this train that traveled across the hotel complex, somewhere in the middle he decided to begin talking about how men should get married, have kids and that was his idea of a good life; suddenly he turned to me, grabbed my face, said ‘you’re the shit man, can you read?’ to which i replied ‘yeah…’ then he pointed to a sign and said ‘what does it say there?’ and i said ‘well, it says casino’, he looked at me as if I had denyed the existance of air and said ’ IT SAYS PAAAAAARRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAA’

8. The ‘If I Could Fly’

This one’s gonna be brief since a) it was groupal so it’d be really hard to describe in detail and b) you have probably all done it. It basically was a bunch of us just drinking when the ‘if I could fly’ topic came up, the rant was pretty basic, however he higlight came when one of us, who shall not be named, stood on a coffee desk and said ‘If I could fly i’d go like this!!!’ face firs landing.

7. The ‘Why Had I Never Met You Before’

Again, like the last one the rant was pretty basic, I went out with one of my best friends and three of his best friends, all girls, two of which like to experiment. So I was a bit wasted and began flirting with the better looking one, the other one got jealous and so the rant began. The rant was basically about how she had never met me before cause she would’ve remembered, hinting every time she either wanted the other girl to back off or come join. I will not tell how this story ends but can you blame me for telling it?

6. The ‘He Wouldn’t Drown’

Ok so this one actually lasted only like a minute but it felt like hours, and was a bit scary at first but funny as hell later. We were at the beach, like 20 of us, and we saw a friend standing in the water drunk out of his mind. This led to somebody asking ‘do you think he’ll drown if he falls?’, which off course led to him falling. As he fell another guy was empowered by the event and stood in a chair, only to begin ranting and distracting our drunken asses to go drag him out of the water. It went something like this: ‘He will not drown, he will not drown because I say so and I’m william Wallace Aquaman, and i will call the fish to hel him…cause there are no irish guys here, so fuck ireland!!!’ (apparently there were irish guys there, they can take a lot of beating but they don’t hit as hard as movies show…or we were just that drunk)

5. The ‘But I really love her’

So this one’s me again. I was pretty wasted last…November? (I think) and so I was leaving the pub. As I was leaving the pub I realized there was a tiny little bug crawling on my jacket (about a milimeter long), my friend, seeing this, flicked the bug away which led to the rant. I began ranting about how that bug may have had family and friends, then I saw a police officer and I went and told him how I had killed a bug, and that I was not trying to take the blame for my friend (thankfully my friend was pretty sober and the officer had a sense of humor).

nationalpostsports:

Uh oh. Peyton Manning has reportedly chosen to join the Denver Broncos, but what does that mean for Tim Tebow? A trade could be in the works once Manning’s contract is finalized.

nationalpostsports:

Bolton says midfielder Fabrice Muamba is “critically ill” in a hospital’s heart attack unit after he collapsed Saturday during a match at Tottenham.

Muamba fell face-down to the field in the 41st minute near the halfway line without any players near him.

He was rushed to a hospital after medics attempted to resuscitate him on the field.
Photos: Suzanne Plunkett/Reuters; Olly Greenwood/AFP/Getty Images

Como nunca las voy a grabar decidi que mejor publicaba las letras que alguna vez escribi, so, ahi les va, la primera entrega:

LABIOS DE JEREZ

EXTINTOS SEGÚN DARWIN

CARDENAS

KEY OF E(min) 2/4, double step slap back, neck pickups, clean.

Esto me tomo 15 minutos completos para escribirlo entonces porfavor agustin, con ganas hahaha, pips  va de fondo,  phil, suave con el crash

VERSO:

Ahora todo es tan sencillo, no hay una sola nube gris

Ahora todos los caminos llevan hacia el sol y el cielo parece estar feliz

Oigo el canto de las hojas, que me llevan hasta donde nace el tiempo

Cobra el pasar de lo eterno en esa soledad en la que esta el desierto

La ciudad esta vacía, miras hacia el suelo y ves

Como las calles se acaban y el pasto empieza a nacer

Como un sabio ante la suerte, que la entiende sin pensar

La razón acaba inerte si en la forma en que siente el hombre es una mas

Como el mar, un reflejo, una  lluvia de gotas de cristal

CORO:

Si una rosa en el desierto, habla con la luna que ya nunca quiere estar

Con mi voz como un incendio, buscaremos lo que nunca vamos  a encontrar

Hoy el corazón me quema, con el fuego de tus labios de jerez

Veo azul en las estrellas, que me hablan como la primera vez

VERSO:

Un ladrón desprevenido, que se entrega hacia los tangos de Gardel

Se organiza la triste función del hombre que ya no sabe ser

Nace una canción del vino, perdida entre la niebla del amanecer

 Se malentienden las anécdotas del corazón que fue más que el ayer

Como el mar, un reflejo, una  lluvia de gotas  de cristal

CORO:

Si una rosa en el desierto, habla con la luna que ya nunca quiere estar

Con mi voz como un incendio, buscaremos lo que nunca vamos  a encontrar

Hoy el corazón me quema, con el fuego de tus labios de jerez

Veo azul en las estrellas, que me hablan como la primera vez

SOLO

CORO:

Si una rosa en el desierto, habla con la luna que ya nunca quiere estar

Con mi voz como un incendio, buscare lo que nunca vamos  a encontrar

Hoy el corazón me quema, con el fuego de tus labios de jerez

Veo azul en las estrellas, que me hablan como la primera vez

Si una rosa en el desierto, habla con la luna que ya nunca quiere estar

Con mi voz como un incendio, buscare lo que nunca vamos  a encontrar

Hoy el corazón me quema, con el fuego de tus labios de jerez

Veo azul en las estrellas, que me hablan como la primera vez

IT IS IN FACT (kinda) SNOWING IN BOGOTA!!!

nationalpost:

Tazer Ball: The most shocking extreme sport of the year
A Toronto team is ushering in the world’s newest ultimate sports league, but don’t expect to see a home game anytime soon: One of the pieces of equipment used, a 300,000 volt electroshock gun, is considered a weapon in Canada.

“It’s not technically a police grade Taser,” said Eric Prum, 25, one of the founders of Ultimate Tazer Ball. “That being said, the first thing the [players] will tell you is that they hate getting tased. Those things really do hurt.”

The Toronto Terror is one of four teams in the newly minted Ultimate Tazer Ball league. The game puts two teams of four players on a field about the size of a hockey rink. Players have to get a large ball into a net while avoiding their opponents, all of whom are armed with the device.

“The reason it’s really cool in game play is because it causes your muscles to spasm, therefore you’re going to drop the ball, you’re going to trip, you’re going to fall over. And it’s fun,” said Mr. Prum. “There’s no risk of a heart attack or someone’s brain exploding.”

nationalpostsports:

Paul Pierce and Vince Carter wind up in very different places
This is one of those memories from childhood that sticks around for no apparent reason, but sometimes life is funny like that.

As Vince Carter’s tenure in Toronto started to turn, fans — mostly spurred on by sports talk radio — started to consider the notion of trading the star swingman. He could not stay healthy, missing 22 games in 2001-02, plus the playoffs, and 41 more in the following season. One call-in guest suggested the Raptors dangle Carter to Boston for Paul Pierce, and my youthful reaction and the host’s were one and the same: Pierce was not enough.

Carter, born in January 1977, was the fifth pick of the 1998 NBA Draft, the rookie of the year, the slam dunk champion in 2000 and the most popular player in the league early in the post-Michael Jordan era. Pierce, born in October 1977, was the 10th pick in the same draft, but that was where the similarities stopped. He had none of the flare that Carter did, and his old-man’s game did not generate the same hype that Carter’s thunderous dunks did.

nationalpostsports:

Yes.